Dear God,
My Lord!!!! It has been what feels like forever, since I last wrote you.
Part of me feels guilty for a few reasons. One, this is my time to connect with my heart and also with you in a way outside of my usual. Two, I want to connect more with you during my prayers and my worship. I want to talk to you other than when I pray. Which starting this, has been the way and I HAVEN'T DONE IT!! Three, I feel guilty for not feeling as guilty as I want to feel! The reason I don't feel as guilty is because I got to rest, physically and emotionally. I know rest is good, if and when used in the right way.
How can rest be used in a bad way??? Well to my surprise, while listening to a Christian podcast. They shared how you can do one thing and it can be for fun or it can be to escape, anything your trying to escape or avoid. Now the next question is.... was my rest in a good or bad way ? I think the first day was good and the following day was good and bad. The feeling of being burnt out isn't the best feeling to feel. Honestly, that's kinda what I was feeling and not so much in my spiritual life or in my creative endeavors; but in my physical and emotional side.
I struggle with not letting the people I love take a toll on me and how I function. As a result of allowing that to happen and not having control over it. I get burned out and get in a rut. I feel like it's the people pleaser in me. The thought of someone I love being upset with me or something being wrong with them, gets me in a weird mood. Especially if I can't reach them. I think there's something wrong with me, because of that. Maybe it's a control thing, again. Lord, Please help me get rid of that. The need to control everything.
My emotions are very sensitive. Learning balance and keeping my emotions in check is something I have been working on, but I've never asked YOU to help me, to teach me! When things are not possible for me, for you they are beyond possible. I give it to you My Lord.
Having taken this time to rest, I feel good. I feel a reset. Going back to whether it was good or bad. Did I use my rest as an escape ? Yes, but coming out of it. I feel better, I have come to the conclusion that I can not tie my emotions to others behaviors or lack of. At the end of the day loved ones or not, people will hurt our feelings and not always are others thinking of our emotional well being. At the end of the day, loved ones or not. I have to maintain my focus on My Lord, God. He doesn't fall short of anything, EVER!! I have come to learn God's rejection is God's Protection .
I pray God keeps protecting everyone of my loved ones and their loved ones! Everyday may we all wake up and realize it is a blessing we are able to wake up!! May we all rest our worries, our doubts, our need for control, our fears and anxieties onto the Lord.
May we feel and see God's everlasting love and favor on our lives!!
Amen!!
1 Kings 19: 5-9
"Then as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angel touched him, and said to him, “Arise and eat.” Then he looked, and there by his head was a cake baked on coals, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank, and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came back the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.” So he arose, and ate and drank; and he went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights as far as Horeb, the mountain of God."
It wasn't a spiritual battle but a physical one.... we must rest and replenish, so we can carry on in all aspects of our lives. I relate this verses to my battle. Today I set forth onto my journey, of releasing the things I've come to know I must.
May this period rest carry me.
Thank you!!!
P.s. If you get the chance to listen to my podcast " Simplistic Eyeful Podcast"
It is related to the verse above!
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