Dear God,
In my life I have always struggled with building relationships. Not quite sure why? Pretty sure it may have something to do with a trauma that I endured as a child. Nonetheless, I struggle with approaching others to strike up a conversation. A part of me is like, 'protection' 'stranger danger'!! The other part of me is longing for a friendship or just a different encounter with a human outside of my immediate circle, you know? Then the other part fighting my warm inviting thoughts objects, immediately and says ' you literally have all the friends you need, why have more?'
There was a time in my life when I had a big crowd of friends, although I had a hard time connecting with them. It was a superficial friendship. With women, I have always wanted to connect, to bond. Again a trauma. My mom was in my life, but sometimes I feel like that connection i craved wasn't there. So I searched for it in my friendships and never really, truly found that connection. The depth. Being a child, a teenager, even a young adult, depth isn't very common to find in acquaintances...in my experience.
As a now, mother, wife the connection and depth I try to provide for my family. Although trying to find a friend, a companion as an adult is even harder for me! Today at a park, my daughters and two other random beautiful children gathered in a circle and just stood there and bonded, not saying anything. Just looking at each other. Not even three minutes later, they started to play and chase each other! It was SO beautiful!! I felt their connection though, as odd as it is to say but I felt the depth (to an extent of course). For them it was so easy, yet for a 25 year old woman, so difficult. I figure, it's all the societal conditioning.
Up until now. This very moment as i sit here typing this letter. I realize, the depth. The connection. The companionship, I have been longing for was something not one person, thing or object could ever provide me with. No matter how hard I, they or it tried.
The reason now, is so obvious! I had been searching for a Godly connection that only You My Lord, could provide me. I will always follow you. I will always be obedient to you, to your word- even though in search of this connection I was longing for, I wasn't.
Maturing spiritually has allowed me to realize so many things, this included. So many things are so clear to me, because of you. This Godly connection is such an honor to feel, and experience! I cannot wait to fast forward to 5, 25, 50 years of this connection, this relationship to see all the things learned through this marvelous journey with you, My Lord!
Thank you!!!
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